Kindergarten

Dear Mason,
I just dropped you off at Coral Cliffs Elementary for your first day of Kindergarten. You were SO excited. You flashed a little "I love you" sign to me as you found your place in line, and I got a little teary eyed. I tried to be tough so you wouldn't be embarrassed. Your teacher came out to get you and your classmates and you all filed through the door in a straight little line of new shoes and backpacks. All of the other kids turned around to wave at their Moms and say goodbye one more time as they went around the corner, but not you! You were so ready to just get in there and go for it. You have always been like that. Not afraid to try new things and confident in yourself. I hope you never lose that. I hope as you learn that there are mean kids out there and people who don't believe the same things we do, you will still be just as confident. I am so proud of you Mason.

I remember the night we brought you home from the hospital. You cried and cried and I felt so helpless. I already loved you so much and wanted to protect you from the world and whatever was making you sad, but I didn't know how! Slowly, as I learned how to be a Mom, I figured out how to calm you down and wipe your tears and keep you safe. Today as you walked into that big school I had the same helpless feeling all over again. I don't know how to protect you from the mean kids, bad language, and other things of the world that you will surely run into during your time away from me at school! I don't know how to make you understand how truly special and great you are. So while you are there, learning to read and write and be a good friend, I am having a few lessons of my own. I have to learn AGAIN how to be the Mom and keep you safe and happy and protected, just in a different way. I'm sure I will still have to wipe a few tears. I'm sure you will make a few bad choices. I hope you know I will ALWAYS be there for you. I love you so much!

I can't believe what a neat young man you are turning out to be. You must have been such a strong spirit in Heaven. I know you have so much good to do here on earth! I learn so much from you every day. How to love unconditionally, how to dream, how to be carefree and enjoy life, and how to have faith. I can't wait to hear about this new adventure you started today. I hope I can help you become a good person and that you will continue to do the right thing always. You are a great example to your little brothers, and to me. I can't describe how proud I was, watching you walk into that classroom, giant smile on your face, ready to take on the world. You are an amazing child of God and I am so very blessed you call me Mom. I love you Mason! You changed my life the day we met and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Mom

P.S. These are just the pics from my phone. I'll post the ones from the camera later. :)

P.S. Again . . . He LOVED it!! He came RUNNING to me after school and gave me a big hug and said, "Mom, that was AWESOME!"

And Another P.S. One of my great friends from college teaches at Mason's school and she sent me this message today, "FYI- I spoke to his teacher today after school. When I mentioned Mason's name her face lit up and she got a big smile. She told me how today there were scraps of paper dropped on the floor and when she asked if someone could pick it up, Mason was the first one down on the ground even though it wasn't his. She knew then what a great helper he'd be this year!!!!" I teared up yet again. I am so proud of you Mason!!

7 years. Really??

Today marks our SEVENTH anniversary. I don't know why seven sounds so much longer than six. . . Maybe it's all the extra letters. Seven years ago, I knew I was marrying my best friend, I knew I was incredibly lucky, and I was so happy. I had NO IDEA what was in store. I didn't know how much stronger our friendship would become and I am certain I didn't realize how lucky I really was. A lot has happened to us these past seven years and we have learned a lot about life and about each other. I thought I was as happy as a person could be back then, but I was so wrong. Spencer amazes me everyday with his patience, love, humor, and bulging biceps. We work together on projects and life in a way I can't even explain. He just "gets" me in a way no one else can. He lets me change my mind over and over about where to put the furniture, what business we are going to start next, and what I want for dinner. He supports me no matter what and is always there when I need someone. I can't describe the overwhelming gratitude I feel. I know that Heavenly Father made him and molded him to be perfect for me. When we were in the Bountiful Temple on our wedding day the sealer told us that we had known each other before we came here, and I wholeheartedly know that is true. There is no way we could know each other so well and be so in love after only seven years. We are traveling for our anniversary, which has happened almost every year, so we can't really celebrate in the traditional way. BUT we get to be together and that is more than enough. I am so happy to have Spencer as my Eternal Companion and I'm excited to continue this adventure with him.

Happy anniversary lover! You are more than I dreamed I would ever have.

Conflicted

I really do love my life. We have our share of challenges, but my husband is so good to our little family, my kids are the best, my calling is fun and challenging, I own a business doing what I love, and I honestly am happy. But I still have these weird feelings lately. Post baby hormones? Maybe. Sheer exhaustion? Possibly. (And why is it that putting these weird feelings into words and then pushing the post now, publish, or send button and shooting them off into cyberspace automatically makes us feel better? Validation I guess.)

I know we have been asked to be home with our children if it's possible for us. So I try my very hardest to make that "possible" happen. And I'll be honest, it kinda sucks sometimes. I simply can't be "just the Mom" and have those ever looming "ends" meet up each month. Because of this, I wear many hats.

I wrap myself up in these thoughts. Why are we asked to stay home with our kids? When I personally think about that, it's so we can read to them, play with them, get out the play dough and finger-paint and bubbles. It's so we can nourish their bodies and spirits and teach them and help them develop their self esteem and a sense of security right? Well one of my many hats is the tender-of-other-people's-kids hat. There are some days by the time they've all gone home I've forgotten we even own books or play dough, I really don't remember if I even fed my own kids lunch, and my demeanor is LESS than conducive to an environment that would build any kind of self esteem for anyone. I can't help but think my kids my be better off at a daycare with structure and bubbles and Clorox wipes. My rational self knows that isn't the case, but my sleep deprived, frustrated, postpartum self isn't so sure.

I really have no idea what the purpose of this post is, other than to vent. I know my kids will be fine and the "ends" will eventually meet somewhere along the line. Maybe I just need someone to be feeling the same way as me. Or maybe I need someone who has a BRILLIANT marketing plan that will make my photography business take-off and I'll quit doing all the other extras. Maybe I just need a nap.

Being a Mom is so much different that not being one. (I know that sounds stupid and redundant. I never claimed to be good with words.) I remember when I was a teenager I heard a quote and I just loved it. I really took it to heart. It went something like this, "Live so those who don't know Him but know you will want to know Him BECAUSE they know you." Or something like that. Speaking of the Savior of course. And back then, I thought I knew how to do that. I tried to be kind to everyone, make good choices, keep the Spirit with me, and all of those other important things. As a Mom, I'm not really sure how to do that! I don't think seeing me vacuum and wipe butts and clean spit-up off the couch is making my children want to know the Savior. ha ha ha. I feel like I almost have to relearn how to be a good person. I am not doing my feelings justice here, but what I'm trying to say is, I'm at a place in my life that feeling the Spirit is harder than it used to be. Does that make any sense??

All of that being said, (And I feel better already by the way.) isn't it amazing how apparent it is that our Savior cares for us and wants the best for us? Even more so than I care for my own kids, which is hard for me to understand. He sends phone calls, friends, tender moments with my kids, responsibilities that make me forget myself, and a loving husband who even puts up with my rambling. He sends angels who leave us gift cards that seriously SAVED our Christmas. (I hope you are reading this whoever you where. I cannot begin to tell you what that meant to our little family.) He sends us neighbors who will do anything for us at the drop of a hat, and extra ways to earn money at just the right times. This stage of life is hard in so many ways, but we are learning so much.

This is why I am so conflicted. A small part of me can't wait until this part of our life is over. I can't wait until we can buy our kids clothes that fit without going without something else. I can't wait until I have time to scrapbook, read, learn to play the guitar, go out with friends, and shave my legs. BUT a bigger part of me wants to STOP time. I want to freeze my kids just how they are right now and soak it in. I love Carters funny, impossible attitude. He is so smart and learning so much. I could sit and talk to him for hours. Mason is so loving to everyone. And so innocent. I want to stay right here with him home with me all day learning and playing. Not being influenced by kids at school and the outside world. Davis is perfect. He smiles and laughs and sleeps and coos and just looks at me and melts my heart. And dang it, he is going to get bigger too.

Yes, I am rambling. No, there is no point to this post. It is just the thoughts and feelings of a Mom, trapped at home with little kids, everywhere, who needs a sounding board. A little adult interaction. Thanks for listening. ;p

A few of my favorite things! (Ten Actually!) In no particular order.

1. I love listening to music while I'm editing photos. It seems to help the creative juices. I started a new station a few weeks ago that I LOVE LOVE LOVE!! It has a lot of Ingrid Michaelson, Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, and Sara Bareilles. I love that it's FREE and custom and great. I had to pay this month because I listened for more than 40 hours, but it was only .99 no strings attached! What can you get for .99 these days?? Not much.




2. I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning house. My Mom was here last weekend and gave me this for my birthday. Love it. With kids getting crumbs everywhere all of the time it is a lifesaver! My whole kitchen, dining, living room area is one big wood floor. It is a workout to sweep and mop!! No more brooms and dustpans for this family. You can walk through the house without crunching for the first time in a long time!




3. I love living in Saint George! The weather is perfect, the people are nice, the size is ideal, we have beautiful scenery and recreation, I could go on and on. I'm glad Heavenly Father helped us decide this is where we need to be. We couldn't be happier!





4. Just looking at this picture fills my heart with gladness and my mouth with saliva. I LOVE smoothies. They make me feel a little healthy and besides that they are super tasty. The Orange Peel has about a million different flavors and I haven't tried one I didn't like yet. And besides that, they have cool vacuum sealed lids and super big straws. I honestly could eat three a day and be very happy. The budget would not like that as much as I would though.






5. I actually tried this mouthwash and found it quite disgusting, BUT Mason seems to like it! Last time we went to the dentist he had a few little cavities. Not big enough to be filled this time, but big enough to be concerned. SO we had to find a way to make brushing and FLOSSING fun for a four year old. Ha. Every night our family has a "Toothbrush Party." We all brush and floss. THEN we use this (And the Crest adult version for Mom and Dad.) When you spit it out, there are little chunks of plaque, food, or whatever. We call them "cavity bugs." We all look at eachothers' spit and see who has the most cavity bugs. Sick I know, but it gets the job done without a fight and that is worth it!!





6. I love hot chocolate and I love that it's getting cold enough to drink it. YUM.






7. Healthy Sexy Hair's Moroccan Oil Rocks. When the seasons started changing this year, my hair got static-ier than it is EVER been!! I couldn't stand it. It was in a bun everyday. UNTIL the ladies I'm in primary with suggested I try this and it has made a HUGE difference. My hair is super soft and dries really fast and smells Oh so delicious! Definitely worth the 19.99 I paid for the little bottle. (I hear it lasts FOREVER. That had better be true!)






8.Of course.





9. These. Are. Heavenly. There is a little cafe here called 25 Main. They make the best cupcakes you have ever had. ever. I can't describe it. They are just perfect. My personal favorites are pumpkin chocolate chip and chocolate raspberry. Oh my word. No wonder I can't lose weight.







10. No I don't like to eat babyfood. BUT I have found I way of administering it that has saved me lots of stress and heartache. As you read earlier I love smoothies and so does Carter. And I mean he LOVES them. It has always been a struggle getting him to eat babyfood though. What is babyfood?? A shelf stable smoothie. So one day I poked a small hole in the lid of one of these tubs of babyfood, stuck a straw in it, and wala!! Baby smoothie. Carter sucked it down in about 17 seconds. No messy face and hands, no trying to dodge flailing fingers to get the spoon in his mouth, no more fighting. And he eats a "meal" in a matter of seconds. Can I pattent this idea??

Happy Birthday

I really feel bad for all of you who read this. The reason I feel bad is because you will never have the opportunity to be married to this amazing person. Some how I lucked out or she lost a bet. Jenny is the best wife in the world and the best mom to our boys. We all love her so much and appreciate all she does to help us get along. It is so much fun starting and ending businesses with her. It is a blast watching her take pride in her photography, she does such a great job. It really amazes me at how talented she is. I love watching her play with the boys and it is fun as we try to get Carter to realize that he can walk. Every day I wonder how miserable life would be with out Jenny. I cannot imagine a time in my life when she was not a part of it. She truly is my better half and I would be nothing with out her. I hope your birthday brings you happiness and the fun you deserve. I love you more than anything. Happy Birthday Babe!

I have to apologize for the pictures that are being posted! They are the only ones I have on my work computer.

5 Years. . . .

So today is our five year anniversary. I really can't believe it's been 5 years. I don't feel old enough to be married for five years. (I don't feel old enough to have two kids either, but anyway. .) We went out to dinner last night which was fun. We stayed up way to late with Mason watching the Yellowstone Special on Animal Planet. Today will probably just be another normal day, but it's one more day that I get to be with my best friend, so it's a perfect day for an anniversary!! I could not ask for a better husband or a better Daddy for my kids. Spencer is the greatest and we love him so much. If the first five years have been this much fun, I can't wait for the next 5, or 10, or 50!! I love you babe!!

I love you…. in a really, really big … pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window…unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.

I pick you for at least 5 more years!







P.S. Why didn't anyone tell me my eyebrows were so bushy back then?????

Today's the day!!

She did it!! Jenny was able to deliver our handsome 9 lb. 9 oz. little (somewhat big) Carter T. She did an amazing job. She is such a wonderful mother and wife!! Carter is doing well from what we know. His breathing is not quite what they want so he is spending a lot of time down in the nursery!! I guess he is a lucky kid he get a chest x-ray!! I never had one of those. They just want to make sure that everything is 100% perfect with our little lineman!! I think I was able to get a little smile from him. We are so happy to have him here!! Jenny will put more info on when she feels up to it!! I promise it will be much better that what I can write!!